xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
