Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
