I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she smelled like a LAN party
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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