I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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