It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
