my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
