it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
