I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
