It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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