His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize