So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
