I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
