I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
