You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
