I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
