U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
