i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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