Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
