I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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