My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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