So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
