so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
being pregnant is like rehab
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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