But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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