You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
