My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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