no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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