what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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