My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
