3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
