they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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