not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The Olympian is in my bed
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