the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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