and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize