i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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