Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well I can't set my house on fire every night
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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