3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize