so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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