dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
