Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i was born a porn star she said
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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