How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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