he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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