He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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