Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
