I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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