i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize