awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
