i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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