There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
