So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
