There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
