After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize