Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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