I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
