I wannas sexs uuuuu
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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