I feel like abortions should bother me more
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
