Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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