You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
