so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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