why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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