I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
third nipple confirmed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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