at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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