Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
