Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
